The First Man by A. S. Kelly
Author:A. S. Kelly [Kelly, A. S.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: A. S. Kelly
Chapter 32
Shane
Before we can make it to my car, Clodagh appears, laden with Tupperware boxes. She smiles at me as she hands them to me, then turns to Andy, handing a couple of containers to him, too.
âClodagh, Iââ
âIâve put a few slices of dessert in there too â the one you didnât get around to eating tonight.â
âYou shouldnât have.â
Clodagh reaches onto her tiptoes and plants a kiss onto his cheek. Andy stands there, shocked and a little embarrassed; I want to tell him that, when he isnât so tough on himself and on the world, heâs even more beautiful. But I think that could earn me a fist to the face.
âCome back soon,â she tells him.
âThanks.â He smiles at her, and clambers quickly into the car â this is already too much for him. I watch him close the door and take a deep breath before I say goodbye to Alexâs mother myself.
âTake care of that boy,â she says kindly, giving me a kiss on the cheek, too.
âI wish heâd let me,â I respond honestly â thereâs no use pretending to her anymore.
âOh, honey. Heâs been alone for so long now that he doesnât know how to do it.â
âHow to do what?â
She strokes my cheek comfortingly. âHow to love himself.â
âI donât think he ever has, you know,â I say, resignation in my voice.
âThen you have to show him. Iâm sure youâll find a way.â
âThatâll be hard. He wonât even let me go near him.â
âYouâre much closer already than you think,â She smiles again, then turns and heads back towards the house.
I wave to Alex and Ellie, then walk around the car and open the driver door, sliding into the seat. Andy is sitting silently, the Tupperware on his lap and his hands holding so tightly onto them that his knuckles have whitened.
I think that this man has pushed himself so far away from everything that Iâm scared heâll never be found again.
I stick the key into the ignition and turn on the engine, pulling out of Brennanâs driveway and onto the road which separates us from another night apart, with a weight in my stomach and a tightness in my chest.
His words wonât stop floating around my mind. His story was so simple, but so laced with bitterness. And then there are Clodaghâs words, the way she looked at him, and the way he looked at her.
Iâve known Andy my entire life, but I never knew about his mother or his past. Brianâs words the other day, about how the pub has nothing to do with him, made me realise that thereâs a lot I donât know about this man. I donât really know who Andy Veldons is.
I glance quickly across at him; his own gaze is fixed onto the road ahead, unreadable as always. But the lines around his eyes have grown deeper, the colour in them disappearing; they betray the way he really feels.
Maybe Iâll never know everything about him, about his past and his family; maybe Iâll never know how he feels about me.
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